Saturday, October 17, 2009

Cosa Nostra and Kosher Nostra

I was watching TV with 1000yregg and redneckhunter and stopped on a mob movie with Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesci, the usual suspects. It looked like Casino, but wasn't. Then suddenly I was in the movie, at a meeting. Ving Rhames was there too. Ving and I were trying to work our way out of the mob, so I was filling out a form into which I wrote "Next step: De-escalation." And I thought, wow organized crime is nothing like you see in movies, it's just like corporate America. Our Don was celebrating, though, the birth of his son.

So next scene, I am Elaine from Seinfeld, and I'm walking through a set of double wooden doors, then another set, and then another, and just as I'm wondering how many vestibules this entrance has, I come to the lobby. I'm carrying a bottle of liquor that's only 1/4 full. There's a kid greeting people, and he says something about the little amount of booze I brought, but says, "that's ok, they're all pretty drunk already."

I walk in to a religious ceremony -- now, I've never been to a bris, so I don't know what they're like, but this was just like a baptism, only with Jewish people. Claire's whole family was there. And the rabbi says, hey let's do this thing all in Spanish! So it starts, and it sounds to me like Spanish Catholic prayers, there's some Latin thrown in, along with Baruch Atah Adenoi (the only Hebrew I know). Claire's mom and brother Mike are making inside jokes and laughing. An Israeli girl next to me (who looks like Shirin from Project Runway) keeps asking people what's going on, because she doesn't understand, so the rabbi tells her in Hebrew. Then she's asked to come up and play the accordion. She's pretty drunk and has trouble getting on stage - her head gets caught up in a curtain, but finally she's up, and has a few backing musicians, and she's really good. Everyone starts clapping, and as the music gets faster and faster, I start getting horny.

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